RELATIONSHIT - When A Guy Stops Chasing You

I'm about to reply to a text message. One that had been waiting for me since lunch time and it is almost ten o'clock at night.

I had been dating a guy for about six weeks and since one and a half weeks he makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Not meaning that I feel amazingly comfortable and I'm thrilled with goosebumps all day, everyday. No, that would be amazing. I mean I feel like I don't want to eat anything because I feel not appreciated enough to move on and invest time in him.

That already sounds really advanced, but believe me, I'm not the most confident person in the entire world. But A very confident person though :)

My best friend is currently reading this book and I mean, I was watching Matthew Hussey in my bathtub in the evenings soooo many times that I know... I should have known better. Anyways.

The guy I was dating started to pull away pretty much right after the one evening I was asking a stupid question. And in my eyes it is not even that stupid to ask. But guess what... I'm female, I have no clue, even though I grew up mostly with guys and when I was telling "my boys" what I did, they were rolling their eyes, telling me I was amazing, beautiful, great, not from this world... and ordered me a beer. I fell loved, but I also somehow knew I kind of fucked it up. A little (with my own, amazing, beautiful, great, not from this world attitude).

What did I do wrong?

I would actually love to say "I don't want to talk about it". But that would be no good with this "life experiment".

We were having a nice evening, including all steps a nice evening should include. And then I just dropped a question. Thinking I was actually asking in a hidden way, meaning the same thing I heard you should NEVER ask a guy (I actually started having problems with guys since I started reading dating advices! and I also learned to never listen to my Mum - I mean, she believes I'll get a guy to marry me one day because I play the piano. No Mum, I guess other skills count these days).

So... My question was "Are you a multi dater?". Yes, writing this, I have to admit, I notice that it is asking for exclusivity. But after he showed me a clear test and we didn't involve certain tools anymore I thought that would be a fair question to be answered.

What happened?

Wednesday

In the morning when we both went to work, he said he would get in touch with me. And didn't. On Thursday I was checking if he was alive. He apparently was! Good news, my question didn't kill him.

The next few days we were texting normally and he was telling me that he is having such an amazing time with his lads, all the kids that his friends have, that he loves kids. All these things women get big eyes of (if you are normal - I woke up in my bathrobe, on my bath rug with my face mask on the morning after we met in a bar, as I found my love to gin tonic that evening after not drinking alcohol for six years - different story, but a side comment. You don't want to give me your kid). It's not that I don't love kids. I will love my own kids one day.

Monday

We were texting normally. He was telling me that he had missed his connection flight and would need to probably stay over at the current airport.

Tuesday

Nothing

Wednesday

Hm, nothing. So I texted him if he actually ever made it home. And big surprise, he did make it home. After such a big drama on Monday via WhatsApp, he must have been so delighted to be home that he forgot about me.

He said that there was so much work, that he's currently covering for quite a lot of people, so his life signs came at around 1AM.

Hm, okay. I have a job that drives me insane, but even I made it to call my Ex once a day even at times I didn't like him very much.

As I needed a self-confidence boost, I signed up on Tinder. Little side comment... I feel self confident again. However I don't really think you can meet anyone on Tinder, so I just write things that I find incredibly funny. One of my besties gets screen shots of it and does the same thing the whole evening. Having friends (and family) is the best thing in the world.

Thursday

We were writing if we could meet on the weekend. On Saturday he is going to play football and going out with the guys afterwards. So Friday or Sunday would work.

I say Friday. He says that he will check as there is so much work and he might get out of the office really late, but then definitely Sunday.

As a side comment, I mention that I was already scared he turned into a drama queen. Which he is a little entrusted about. - Kind of the reaction I wanted, to be fairly honest

I tell him that I'm going for brunch on Sunday with my friend and won't be available until the late afternoon. Side note that I didn't tell him: I actually have a life and until we met, I enjoyed it without feeling dumped all the time.

Friday

He is still at work at eight and nine. And I even think it is true as he is sending me pictures of his desk (and as we work in the same company, I could even see that he is logged in - in case I would not trust him... I actually want to trust him). So we say Sunday then, but he will also need to work at some point on that day. When I ask him if it is really just work, he gives me a big list of what annoys him at work (I feel like I met a really negative person), but it is really just work.

My neighbour seems to be alone with her bottle of wine in our backyard, so we sit together until four o'clock in the morning and make fun of people we chat on Tinder with.

Saturday

He is probably not alive. A good reason to continue my day without him.

My Tinder chat is stalking me. I tell him in a polite way that I feel not open for all the things he wants to do with me. But he calls me even on FaceTime. I have to delete, block and ghost him from this moment. Sorry! I'm now probably one of these people my Mum has no understanding for - people can just talk about problems!

I also feel slightly unwell due to my wine consumption. But I actually look amazing. My skin is flawless, I think wine is my new skin serum

So I go to meet "my boys" for lunch, I tell them what I did - you know the story - they order beer and I'll be tipsy at 5PM. The good thing is, they put me in a taxi, I clean and tidy up my apartment at night and wonder in the morning if anyone of them did it.

Sunday

In the morning he texts me, that the came home at 6AM and needs to rest. I have a big understanding for hangovers. Especially as I don't like kissing hungover people anyway, I think his decision is absolutely fine with me. I love men that have the same opinion.

Lunch time he texts me that the woke up, needs more sleep, needs to write a report for work and there is something really bad happening with his family (they live in a different country). So bad that he might even have to go back some time next week. But we should see sometime during the week. He can't say what happened via WhatsApp.

Hm, after being in a relationship with a liar for six years, I might be paranoid now. But either this guy has the most horrible life you can possibly imagine (and I really hope his family is fine as they all seem to be lovely) or he is justifying a little too much why we can't meet, which is probably a sign that he is lying (we don't know yet, so maybe I'm just paranoid).

I would love to trust him. And my brunch boy (yes, I mainly have guys as friends as women seem to not like me) tells me that he believes him. He is such a warm, loving person and believes in the good things. I love people like him. They make me feel like a paranoid.

I would love to believe him. But I don't want to be the naive idiot. So I text him something at shortly past ten.

"I think there is quite a lot of stuff going on for me this week. Maybe sort out your things and we go for a run together at some point in the evening and you tell me.

In case this sounds annoyed (texting is honestly not so much my thing, because when someone is having trouble with his family, there is no emoji that meets it), I'm not... I just don't want to get into something I'm not comfortable with or seem clingy.

Hope your family is going to be okay

Schlaf schön" (I'm German and this means "Good night")

Let's see. I think in a certain age, when you have met them all and have learned to be comfortable with yourself and only yourself, you shouldn't let anyone harm your inner freedom from the beginning.

TBC - To Be Complicated